What He Doesn't Know
by Girl623
Summary: Arthur tells Merlin he needs to go meet someone special. Merlin tells him about Freya, and how he lost her.


"I'm going hunting with the knights for 3 days, Merlin, so consider this a bit of a vacation," Arthur announced as Merlin prepared his bath.

"Aren't I going with you?" Merlin asked, confused.

Arthur smirked. "You would scare away all the animals with your clumsiness and constant talking. We'll catch more if you stay here."

"Maybe if you actually gave me a horse for once, I wouldn't be so clumsy," Merlin muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"What if you encounter danger, sire? You'll need my help."

Arthur rolled his eyes and scoffed. "I need _you _to protect me? It's usually the other way around, Merlin."

_You have no idea, dollop-head_, Merlin thought to himself, grinning.

"Besides, maybe you'll meet someone… special," Arthur continued, looking amused.

Merlin's grin slipped from his face. "Oh, no… No, I don't think there's anyone for me, sire." He remembered Freya sadly, and started mentally making a list of every spell he knew to keep himself from thinking of her.

"Oh, come on. There has to be _someone _who would find your awkwardness at least _slightly _appealing," Arthur replied, enjoying this very much.

Irritation and grief clouded Merlin's mind; if he didn't leave soon, he would do something that he would end up regretting. "I really doubt it, sire," he said through clenched teeth. "If you don't need anything else, Gaius needs my help." He turned around, but had barely crossed the doorway when Arthur called after him, "Honestly, you've never been in love? You need to get out there and at least _look _for someone."

Merlin hesitated, but his anger overruled his common sense and made him turn around. "I have been in love, _sire. _Her name was Freya, and she was wonderful. She was so sad when I first met her, but she became happier as our relationship continued. She made me feel so special, Arthur. She didn't hate me because of my m-" he paused, "lack of money. I wasn't afraid to be myself around her, because she understood me. But she had a secret too: she had been cursed to transform into a Bastet. A man attacked her, and she killed him in self-defense. The man's mother was the one who cursed her. Freya told me the truth, but I didn't care. We were going to run away together, but she tried to leave without me so I wouldn't ruin my life for her." Hot tears were freely running down his face, but he didn't care. "But she transformed that night, and guess who was trying to kill her? You." Merlin's voice began to get louder and angrier as he continued. "You and your knights killed her. I tried to calm her down, and she recognized me, even in that state. I could've gotten her safe; I could've gotten her calmed down! But _you…_you shot her! She fled back to the tunnels where she had been hiding. I brought her to a lake, like her home. _She died in my arms, Arthur!_ _I watched the light leave her eyes!_" Realizing his voice had become rough and shaky, Merlin took a deep, steadying breath. "I don't blame you for her death, not really. You didn't know who she was. You didn't even know she was human. But you have no idea of what I've lost, or of the secrets that I'm forced to keep _every day_." Merlin didn't trust his voice to keep talking, so he turned abruptly and quickly walked to his chambers, where he collapsed on his bed and cried the tears he'd been holding since her death.

Arthur sank down onto his bed, feeling a void of guilt consume him. He had never one thought to ask Merlin about his personal life, even though Merlin knew about all about his life. _I don't know anything about my own best friend, and he still takes all the abuse that I throw at him, _he thought, feeling the void grow larger. He resolved to take more of an interest in Merlin's life, even though he knew it could never make up for what he had done to Freya.

**AN: This came to me when I was supposed to be updating The Worst Betrayal, sorry about the delays on that one, I'm hoping to have another chapter up soon! **

**Please review and tell me what you think!**


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